‎You will fall in love with someone who annoys you, whose orgasm face looks and feels pathetic. Despite all of this, there’s something keeping you drawn to them, something that makes you want to protect them from the harsh world. What you fail to realize, however, is that you are the harsh world. You aren’t their noble protector — you are someone to be protected from but it takes a lot of dates, a lot of nights where you question whether or not you are actually a good person, for this to ever resonate with you. When it’s over and whatever love is left is put back in the fridge like a sad plate of leftovers, you will finally understand that you have the power to hurt someone. You can either hurt them or love them and it’s up to you to decide what kind of role you would like to take on in future relationships. What feels more comfortable — being the one who loves more or being the one who’s loved less?

You will fall in love with someone who’s cold and always seemingly pushing you away. When all is said and done, they will be forever known as the one person you couldn’t get to love you. Unfortunately, it will hurt and sting worse than the good ones, the ones that chopped up your meat for you and picked out an eyelash from your eye and were nice to your mother, because love often feels like a game we need to win. And when we lose, when we realize we couldn’t get what we ultimately desired from a person, it makes us feel like a failure and erases all the memories of those who loved us in the past. It’s a permanent smudge on your love resume.

You will fall in love with someone for one night and one night only. They’ll come to you when you need them and be gone in the morning when you don’t. At first, this will make you feel empty and you’ll try to convince yourself that you could’ve loved this person for longer than a night, but you can’t. Some people are just meant to make cameo appearances, some are destined to be a pithy footnote. That’s okay though. Not every person we love has to stick around. Sometimes it’s better to leave while you’re still ahead. Sometimes it’s better to leave before you get unloved.

You will fall in love with the old couple down the street because to you they represent the impossible: a stable, long-lasting love. You’re trying to get someone to like you for more than ten minutes. A monogamous “never get sick of ya” love seems unfathomable. “What’s your secret, sir? Do you just say yes a lot?”

You will fall in love with smells, the good and the bad kind. You will want to wear your lovers shirt because it makes you feel close to them and you’re okay with being that PSYCHO who is legitimately sniffing their shirt in public. You will fall in love with sweat, certain perfumes, the smell of the season in which you fell in love. This particular love smells like fall. It smells like Halloween and a roaring fire and leaves and fog and mist and candy and food and family and whiskey and sex and the lint that collects on sweaters. When it ends, if it ends, you will never experience another fall without thinking of him, her, it. The memories will stick to the ground like a mound of leaves and will only dissipate when the weather drops.

You will fall in love with your friends. Deep, passionate love. You will create a second family with them, a kind of tribe that makes you feel less vulnerable. Sometimes our families can’t love us all the time. Sometimes we’re born into families who don’t know how to love us properly. They do as much as they can but the rest is up to our friends. They can love you all the time, without judgement. At least the good ones can.

This is where I’m supposed to tell you that you will fall in love with The One, a person who isn’t too cold or too nice. Their “O” face is perfectly fine and they’re not afraid to show how much they love you. This person is supposed to wait for us at the end of the twentysomething road as some kind of reward for all the heartache and loneliness. We deserve them. We’ve earned this kind of love.

So fine. You’re going to fall in love with The One. You’re going to fall in love with someone who will make sense beyond college or a job or a particular season. They’ll make sense forever and won’t ever want to leave you behind. I’m telling you this not because it’s true but because it NEEDS to be true. Everyone is entitled to this kind of love, so why not? Have it. It’s yours. Blow out the candles on your 30th birthday, holding their hand, and let out an exhale that’s been waiting for ten years. Do it. Now.

The Types of People You Will Fall in Love With In Your 20s by Ryan O’Connell

Made me tear up <3

&lt;3

<3

I really need to start getting on here more often! Sometimes I forget how much of a relief it is to come to a place where I can just type out my thoughts. It’s really the only way I feel like I’m taking a minute to stop and reflect on myself.. Even if I’m just spitting sentences that only make sense to me and my thought process. 

I’m going to make a better effort to come here with my opinions and crazy ideas rather than wasting them on people. 

Tumblr, I love you baby. I’m so sorry I’ve neglected you for so long.
Forgive me?

:* 

I can’t help but to feel as if dreams and aspirations are slipping through my fingers, not living every day to it’s brightest potential. I think so much about the destination of knowing who I am, so intent on arriving, this being the biggest mistake.. missing the best part of this adventure! I expect different results when I keep hitting repeat yet I can’t seem to change it, struggle. Struggling to be more conscious, living everyday with precision. Is it weird to feel as though you won’t make it past 22.. Got this crazy feeling like you’re meant to die young ‘cause you’ve been to damn lucky in the past years. We cry when people pass away from old age, why? The real tragedy is for the ones who never had a true taste of life’s quest. You can only imagine how much was just left to question. Do, just to say you did it, because when the clock hits zero it’s not about how much pride you saved along the way. Expand, and keep expanding. When you’re sitting in a place that doesn’t nurture you any longer, move on. Try, test.. Variation.


This might be hard for some people to read and understand, it’s goes from thought to being typed out, no extra thought put into it. 

As I’m randomly browsing through people on facebook from my high school.. I find entertainment in seeing where some people have ended up. Now this isn’t just including people from my class.. but also from previous years. I can’t even count how many people constantly put me down, acted like they we’re to good to look my direction or even had high hopes of watching me fall.. and I guess to them I should say thank you, because I am firmly planted on my feet. I heard so many people talk about how bad they wanted to escape.. but I didn’t see any follow through. 

I have no one but myself to pat on the back for all my great accomplishments. I have an amazing balance in my life that allows me to party like a mad man.. annnd to get shit done. 

Thank you Army.. Thank you persistency.. Thank you hard headed stubbornness.. Thank you ambition for making me work hard.. Most of all thank you Father for allowing me dive head first into the real world. I can only imagine if I fall you’re going to be standing there arms crossed saying “I told you so”. I have enough faith in myself to know I can in fact flee from the nest with no assistance.

Thank you negative people.. You only made me realize who I don’t want to be. I’m glad that McDonalds was ONLY a part time job while I was in high school.

I have fully prepared myself with a well thought out plan.. Bring on life.

If this offends anyone.. Good.. Suck it. You’re probably one of the people who aren’t doing jack shit except working at that fast food chain.

 

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I’d want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I’d want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I’d be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I’d be a nod
If you were a seed, well I’d be a pod.
If you were the floor, I’d wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I’d be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I’d be the fire.
If you were the love, I’d be the desire.
If you were a castle, I’d be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I’d learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

It’s amazing how someone’s lack of words can make you feel under appreciated.. Like everything you have worked hard to accomplished doesn’t mean shit.

Last time I checked a female who signed an 8 year contract, traveled all over to do biathlons, went through BCT before age 18, worked 30 hour weeks while maintaining a cumulative GPA that is good enough to remain in the top ten for her class.. I think this deserves more words than “She has grown”
While you somehow talk up a person who punched me in the face.. And to even go as far to remind a whole stadium of parents and supporters about the fight. Very classy.. I applaud you.. You have officially made me feel like shit.
People wonder why I hate Oakridge high school. Thank god it’s over with.. Thank god I don’t have to see that horrible fake ass face ever again.. Because a few really rude statements would leave these lips of mine. I’m not going to dwell on it because it’s not going to change anything.. But I think my father deserves to hear more proud words than what was said. I’m ashamed he even had to go.

I don’t know any person my age.. In my class that has made as big of a commitment than I have. I’d like to see any of them do the things I have.

I feel better now.. And this shit feeling I have HAS to go away within the next 5 minutes.

Fuck you Oakridge School District..

hahayo:

Shouts to Daytona, Kaimbr & all of Low Budget

I’m not conceited I’m just convinced. I’m so marvelous I can admit my own faults.. and my only fault is I don’t realize know how great I really am.

;]

When you step back and assess a big picture.. One question comes to mind.

  • Why do I even bother?

I just want because I can’t have.. As soon as I can have it I’m gonna set it to the side. Eventually I will get tired of it. It’s just the part where my hard head has to squeeze in and try it anyways. If only they would just give me enough time to get tired of ‘em they wouldn’t have to deal with me all the time. Hehehe sooo devious.

It’s as if I already see everything that’s gonna get old within a few weeks.. everything that just so happens to bother me, but somehow.. I still have to chase.

I should probably stop throwing myself through loops.

This is why people need to take full advantage of me going all in at the beginning. It always seems as if I start out really into it.. While it takes the other person forever..  Then one day when they think it’s all going great BAM they wake up and I’m packed up and gone.

I have yet to meet my match at any challenge.. I seem to be of a rare stubborn breed.

Staying mad is so hard, especially at a person who gave you life. Although I wouldn’t be here without you, it’s hard to give the title of a parent to someone who never acted like one. I can’t stay angry much longer, it’s making me bitter. The thought of allowing you back into my life revolts me, but I feel an empty place where the relationship is supposed to be. My head and heart are playing a brutal game of tug-o-war. At this point in my life, it’s time to get over the grudge I feel I should hold. The grudge that was built because the “once a year phone call” made me feel unwanted.. The lack of friendship. You made me grow up feeling like I wasn’t as important as what was going on in your life. You made my thoughts eat away at the possibility of being happily in love. I am taking my own advice; I am not allowing you to have control over me anymore.. No more bad moods, or bad thoughts, because I am no longer afraid. I am nothing like you, I am not a spitting image of you, or an apple from your tree, I am much better. I can and I will change the pattern, and for this I fear no more; which means I need to let this flow behind us. I need to move forward, with nothing to prove. I can’t build something out of hate. You missed out.. It’s your loss that you didn’t want to take the time to get to know me. I am great.. I am smart.. I am everything that I want to be.. and you were no help in that. But I have to thank you.. for pushing me to be the exact opposite. I get it.. it wasn’t your choice for us to leave, but you chose your path.. and even after you were able to build something.. you didn’t. You didn’t care to be a mother.. You gave up hope, and started new instead.. Thinking you couldn’t fix what’s broken. I forgive you, although no apology was given. I am going to let down my wall.. But I am not going to let you in.. It’s not to late.. But it is to early. You can’t walk into my life an expect me to give you the title of something you are not. To me.. you are a friend who hurt me, more than anyone ever has.. It’s going to be a slow process. I won’t forget how my whole childhood was focused on trying to understand why you couldn’t love me more than you love yourself. You caused me mass amounts of hurt.. It was never my job to be the one to keep in touch.. You’re the mother. YOU’RE THE MOTHER. I am just the little girl who always hoped for one. Never a birthday present, no Christmas gifts.. no nothing. One phone call a year. One. Then you expect me to go waste away my Summers in California, just so you can work all the time, not even trying to get to know your daughters.

What hurts the most, is never hearing you say your proud, never showing support. But that’s ok.. because I don’t need it. I am at a point in my life where I have achieved beyond my standards, and this has made me realize all along I was trying to make a perfect me so I could shove it in your face, thanks for the fuel.. but I no longer need it. I am to strong and independent. I don’t want your pride.. I don’t want anything from you.. I just want this wall between us gone; I have to much going on to keep reinforcing it.

This is a scattered letter. My thoughts run wild. Will I actually send this.. No. She deserves a good long full detailed letter about how she screwed with my head. This is just the out line. Now is not the time to open the flood gates.. But sometime I am going to have to. In the mean time.. I’m thinking happy thoughts.

Current pet peeves: People who think saying “Oh I have that same shirt” is a compliment.. it’s not. It’s an annoying fact you feel you have to share. I don’t give a shit if we have the same shirt. If that’s the only thing you can find to try to start a conversation with me.. Then you’re an idiot.. I don’t want to talk to you. That also means I can’t even compliment you back on anything because you didn’t give me a legitimate compliment. I always reply with “Cool.. Why do I give a shit?” Shuts them up real fast. Put a little more thought into a conversation starter. Compliment me.. or don’t.

The second- When you ask someone for a favor and they don’t give a reply.. give me enough respect to at least answer so I can keep looking. It only takes two seconds to text back with an answer. Or the people who say no.. but give some long ass excuse. “No my Aunt Dorthy is coming into town for the first time in a while.. I mean I haven’t saw her since I was like 3.. I don’t even think I was walking or talking then.. But hell if I remember.. But we have to go eat lunch, get our nails done, go take some pictures, have sex with hookers.. Get analy raped by pineapples.. Run a marathon.. Go munging.. Oh and we also have to go feed unicorns. Sorry.. I don’t think I can.” It’s a yes or no question.. I don’t care what your excuse is.. If I wanted to know I would ask. Your answer doesn’t change what I think of you.. But not replying does. Stupid people. Eat my wang.. And get off my Trisha boat. You’re not wanted.

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child,
But she’s always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she’ll never believe you
And she’ll take what you give her, as long as it’s free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she’s always a woman to me

Oh—she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She’s ahead of her time
Oh—and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

And she’ll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she’ll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you’re bleedin’
But she’ll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she’s always a woman to me

Oh—she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She’s ahead of her time
Oh—and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she’s suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She’s nobody’s fool
And she can’t be convicted
She’s earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she’s always a woman to me

Do friendships work two ways anymore?

I am young, I work hard to play hard. I blow all of my money on making memories. I like to think it’s the right thing to do.. Because I am only young for so long.. When it’s time to grow up.. I will. But for now I am deciding to enjoy life.

I was thinking about how some people give others shit for reading their horoscopes.. But for me it’s not that I believe it’s true.. But it sort of sparks something for me to focus on.. If that makes sense.

I have come to realize that the only way to really make good bonds with people, is to accept them as the person they are. I mean that sounds obvious.. But if you think about it.. It’s not. I have a wide variety of friends.. And I can say I have become much more patient with the ones that piss me off frequently. I have accepted the fact that they’re going to live in there own world just like I am going to live in mine. This thought lead me to realize.. I need to be me. Eventually I will be surrounded by people who realize “Trisha is going to live in her own fucking world.. And she’s just going to be Trisha” I am currently surrounded by judgemental people who wonder why I do the things I do. As I grow and expand as a person.. The people around me will slowly find their places in my life. Oakridge has kept me bottled up for to long.. And I can say I am stoked to experience what the world has to offer.

Life is amazing.. Experience it. Throw yourself out there.. And hope that life will make you drift in the right direction. There is no point in fearing the unknown. You just have to unleash yourself.. Go all out.. Take risks. Once you find yourself safely on your feet at the end of your life journey.. You will be happy you took the road full adventure and risk. Who wants to live life perfectly planned out? Or sitting around waiting for life to happen? I certainly don’t :]