Lupe Fiasco - Never Forget You

Lupe Fiasco - Never Forget You

I think over break I did a lot of soul searching.. I met a particular family that changed my point of view on everything. I think for the first time in a while I sort of figured out what real love could look like. Not in the sense that the parents were in love.. they were, but it’s not what I am referring to. I actually looked into my future and saw my capability to love and raise a family like what they had. These people started out small, and built their life the way that THEY wanted it.. not the way society wanted them to live.

In the midst of everything I also realized that Oakridge people are just not my type of people. I would have been way more adventurous of a person if it weren’t for the lazy slum bag people who mope around and don’t do shit.. You mention you have to hike in a mile then suddenly there is no way in hell anyone wants to go with you. The person I fall in love with, will be someone who starves for adventure much more than I do. This isn’t so I can sit around and tell him no I don’t want to go on an adventure, but because it will push me beyond what I am, it will allow me to make-up for all the years I wasted sitting around here. After this week I have come to realize there are people of my “kind” somewhere in the world, just not in Oakridge. I think it’s important to find someone who also has the same interests in life, because without it there will never be an understanding.

I guess all that I can seriously hope for, is the possibility of finding a sexy stud to venture with in college.

I am starving for adventure, there is so much in the world I need to do and see!

I think I have a thing for bird tattoos..
:)

I think I have a thing for bird tattoos..

:)

Dear.. whoever, when will you ever learn that no male gives a flying fuck about you.. All they are particularly interested in is what between your legs can provide them. You’re a fool and somehow you don’t seem to get the point, although it happens very often. Maybe it’s not your fault.. maybe the world is just full of douche bag guys.. so no matter how hard you look.. you always find one of them. But then again maybe you are just an asshole chasing dumb ass. 

I am at the point where I just want to repeatedly hit my head on a wall.

I’m a fool.. and for some odd reason I can’t seem to change. I have to much good faith in people.. and it pisses me the fuck off.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TRISHA!

Foolish. That’s all I can think.

Can someone care about more than just my vagina? For once.. PLEASE?

wtwta <3 I love love love this movie.
Max<3

wtwta <3 I love love love this movie.

Max<3

My brain amazes me sometimes.

I feel people love who they “want” and not who they “need”.. that’s why relationships don’t work. I don’t know enough about myself and who I am becoming to maintain a relationship. I guess I need to figure me out before I have to figure someone else out. I believe friends magnify your life.. and I understand needs.. so whether or not you enact on sexual things with a “friend” is fine.. but the title of boyfriend or girlfriend comes with so much responsibility. I can get the same feeling of love from all of my friends.. without the risk of hurting someone.

I decided I need to set new goals for myself.. because whatever I am currently doing in my life is sloppy and not ok haha.I went from running 6 miles a day to nothing. I have been starting to go to school 2 times a week.. which is bad.. my P.E. grade is the worst! So my new goals areeeee…

-Start running.

-Go to P.E. (How pathetic is that to say?)

-Attend school everyday ‘till the quarter is over.

-Bring my math grade back up to a B.

-Save my money instead of spending every check as a whole.. seriously.

-Do a couple scholarships.

-Be optimistic and responsible.. :)

-Track down where my boo is. I miss her.. a lot.

I can say that the start of 2011 has been thee worst start to any year ever. So many crazy events happened one after another, and honestly I can say I am afraid to progress forward in my life. I mean seriously.. what’s next. I am at an all time low and I think a lot of other people in the world can say the same. I can feel the weight of everyone’s stress, every time I walk into school someone is in a bad mood. How can the administration expect me to go to a place that depresses me. I have 3 months left.. 3. I have doubts.. I constantly wonder if I am going to be able to make it. I would like to blame all of these feelings on senoritis.. but in all reality.. I can’t stand being surrounded by sad people. The teachers are constantly worrying about their jobs, budget cuts, hell this huge recession we are in. I don’t think they think about how their mood affects the students. I can’t blame everything souly on the staff.. but it plays it’s part. I haven;t gone to a full week of school since.. I don’t remember when. It’s hard to sit there everyday.. with so much time to think. They couldn’t give me enough work to not think. Math is the class I should pay attention the most in.. but as soon as I sit down and see a stupid problem from the previous nights homework projected up on the white board.. my brain shuts off.. and I start thinking about real shit.. things that I am actually going to carry with me in life. I look at that stupid math problem that I am going to forget how to do as soon as I graduate and I think how useless this all is. Everything I have learned this year feels like a complete waste. Oakridge High School is a joke. Public education is a joke. The immature people who act out in class.. yeah their all jokes to. The one class I actually enjoy.. is English 12. Mr. Walker.. he doesn’t teach according to what the agenda states.. he teaches about real life things. He interests me.. but yet their are so many idiotic annoying jocks that I can’t even track what he’s saying. For this reason I can’t wait to go to college.. it’s sort of the turning point where all the people who don’t know how to grow up just get left behind. School.. is just depressing. I have a fury that walks around with me all day and just waits for the last bell to ring so I can go home.. and deal with the real life problems I am facing.. not the problems that will leave my mind soon after I am done.

I really hope college is a turning point for me.. I can’t stand to feel this frustrated with everyone surrounding me all the time. I am scared though.. very scared. I am afraid to progress forward in life because the thought of failing eats me up. Why should I go to college if I am just going to be worried about failing out.

I miss my best friend. I miss not worrying.

Stay

I put away all the pictures of us that were in my room today. I tucked them away with all the letters from you. I guess it hurts knowing you would have burned them. It’s funny because in our group picture for prom.. you were standing right behind her.. as if you were her date. I suppose you get to keep that one around.I can’t even look at it without wanting to break down.

I felt like ripping them up.. but my heart dropped just thinking about it. It’s the last of you I really have.. the last of the good times of us. If there ever was a good time :/

There half hearteded smiles tell me something just ain’t right

I put your picture away, sat down and cried today

I can’t look at you while I’m lying next to him.